Trust is...

Trust is hard to win. But what if sometimes, you've done everything you can? You've met every requirement, lived up to every expectation, satisfied every desire, only to have the bar raised each time you've succeeeded without ever receiving that trust.

Do you give up? Do you trudge on?

I've spent so many hours of my life envying others and wishing circumstances were different. I don't know what to do anymore. How do you "win" something that, as you inch closer to the goal, suddenly disappears again into the distance?

God, I realized, as much as certain people are putting me into this situation, I put You in it as well. Every time you have fulfilled all my hopes and desires and more, I enter a new stage of life and again, take back that trust I gave to You. As I went through high school and college, I saw Your faithfulness and goodness, and You had my total trust and faith, but I see possible events in the near horizon that I don't want to see happen. Losing friendships, relationships, and spiritual community, as well as the difficulties of a new tier of academics. ("academics evolved into... ACADEMICMON!!! =D). My trust of You has been like a game of hot-potato with 2 people: I tossed it to you and took it back, to and fro, over and over.

In this time of uncertainty, in this hazy year of question marks, God, would you be my one absolute? Give me the desire in my heart to find nothing more solid than you, to depend on no person more than my Saviour. I never want to take back the trust I have placed in you.