Normally, I wouldn't post another entry so soon. But this was something that I had to post. God, you hear my prayers in all that you do, whether I'm aware or not. And... as you direct me and lead me to think ahead to the future, to pray for the wife that you will one day entrust to me, you give me a direction and a goal for my stage of singlehood.
Not because it is new information, or because it is unheard of for me, but you give an apt word at apt times. So God, may this poem by St. Anthony of Padua be the prayer of my heart, and the preparation of my soul, until you bring that person into my life.
BE SATISFIED IN ME
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best.
Please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that’s all.
Don’t be anxious, don’t worry
Don’t look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don’t look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me
And the life I’ve prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.
And this is perfect love.
And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union
Of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
For I am God. Believe it and be satisfied.
God, thank you for that reminder. You are worthy of my all.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Hearing Voices
So... I've got some good news, some GREAT news, and some bad news.
Good news is... through good friends, I'm learning to discern the voices of the Spirits, both good and bad. The good is but a whisper, and the bad... oh the bad is bad! It feeds on my fears, plays to my weaknesses, builds up my pride to make me all the more impervious to pride-breaking moments of brokenness.
Great news is... by the grace of God I have been given an opportunity to go to Onething Conference this December. I have many hopes, and expectations, none greater than to hear the voice of God as loudly as I can for my life. So... in preparation, I know that God is calling me to do a total vacuuming of my heart before then. To prepare myself. Not to go last year as I did, with no readiness or prep, but to take practical steps to get right with him.
So here comes the bad news: the beginnings of the vacuum.
Hm...pride is freagn scary. I thought hearing occasionally my peers, or leaders, or even recomm/family group members talk about pride, I felt unfamiliar with the struggle. Man, do I understand now. Pride is the thing that says, "wait, you've been a leader for how many years? and you're still struggling with THAT?" or the voice that goes, "but what will people think of you? your friends are gonna think you're still a kid!" What's more, it builds you up, saying "Dude, you're awesome!" which makes that realization that you're not... all the more heartbreaking.
In my current walk of life, I've discovered two of the most obvious sins in my life. One is idolatry. The other is pride.
My idolatry tells me, that I am SOOO heavily emotionally and physically invested into my replacement gods. I've made idols of things both inanimate and animate. People have become my idols. Standards have become my idols. Comfort has become my idol.
God, give me the strength not to be like Terah, who was given the call to go to Canaan even before Abraham, but instead settled in Haran. Show me how to venture past my Haran and into Canaan (Gen 11:31). Would you entirely sweep away the comfort of the land of Haran, and direct my path upon Canaan. Whether my Haran be the people and friends and relationships I'm comfortable in, or the standards and comforts I've come to embrace and become so slothful in spiritually.
Also, Father God, the pride of my heart is astounding. It's preventing me from taking the necessary steps I KNOW you've placed before me. God... even if it costs me EVERYTHING, give me yourself. So break me, break my relationships, break my reputation, break anything that is needed God, for me to have more of You. But give me more of You.
Good news is... through good friends, I'm learning to discern the voices of the Spirits, both good and bad. The good is but a whisper, and the bad... oh the bad is bad! It feeds on my fears, plays to my weaknesses, builds up my pride to make me all the more impervious to pride-breaking moments of brokenness.
Great news is... by the grace of God I have been given an opportunity to go to Onething Conference this December. I have many hopes, and expectations, none greater than to hear the voice of God as loudly as I can for my life. So... in preparation, I know that God is calling me to do a total vacuuming of my heart before then. To prepare myself. Not to go last year as I did, with no readiness or prep, but to take practical steps to get right with him.
So here comes the bad news: the beginnings of the vacuum.
Hm...pride is freagn scary. I thought hearing occasionally my peers, or leaders, or even recomm/family group members talk about pride, I felt unfamiliar with the struggle. Man, do I understand now. Pride is the thing that says, "wait, you've been a leader for how many years? and you're still struggling with THAT?" or the voice that goes, "but what will people think of you? your friends are gonna think you're still a kid!" What's more, it builds you up, saying "Dude, you're awesome!" which makes that realization that you're not... all the more heartbreaking.
In my current walk of life, I've discovered two of the most obvious sins in my life. One is idolatry. The other is pride.
My idolatry tells me, that I am SOOO heavily emotionally and physically invested into my replacement gods. I've made idols of things both inanimate and animate. People have become my idols. Standards have become my idols. Comfort has become my idol.
God, give me the strength not to be like Terah, who was given the call to go to Canaan even before Abraham, but instead settled in Haran. Show me how to venture past my Haran and into Canaan (Gen 11:31). Would you entirely sweep away the comfort of the land of Haran, and direct my path upon Canaan. Whether my Haran be the people and friends and relationships I'm comfortable in, or the standards and comforts I've come to embrace and become so slothful in spiritually.
Also, Father God, the pride of my heart is astounding. It's preventing me from taking the necessary steps I KNOW you've placed before me. God... even if it costs me EVERYTHING, give me yourself. So break me, break my relationships, break my reputation, break anything that is needed God, for me to have more of You. But give me more of You.
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