Hearing Voices

So... I've got some good news, some GREAT news, and some bad news.

Good news is... through good friends, I'm learning to discern the voices of the Spirits, both good and bad. The good is but a whisper, and the bad... oh the bad is bad! It feeds on my fears, plays to my weaknesses, builds up my pride to make me all the more impervious to pride-breaking moments of brokenness.

Great news is... by the grace of God I have been given an opportunity to go to Onething Conference this December. I have many hopes, and expectations, none greater than to hear the voice of God as loudly as I can for my life. So... in preparation, I know that God is calling me to do a total vacuuming of my heart before then. To prepare myself. Not to go last year as I did, with no readiness or prep, but to take practical steps to get right with him.

So here comes the bad news: the beginnings of the vacuum.

Hm...pride is freagn scary. I thought hearing occasionally my peers, or leaders, or even recomm/family group members talk about pride, I felt unfamiliar with the struggle. Man, do I understand now. Pride is the thing that says, "wait, you've been a leader for how many years? and you're still struggling with THAT?" or the voice that goes, "but what will people think of you? your friends are gonna think you're still a kid!" What's more, it builds you up, saying "Dude, you're awesome!" which makes that realization that you're not... all the more heartbreaking.

In my current walk of life, I've discovered two of the most obvious sins in my life. One is idolatry. The other is pride.

My idolatry tells me, that I am SOOO heavily emotionally and physically invested into my replacement gods. I've made idols of things both inanimate and animate. People have become my idols. Standards have become my idols. Comfort has become my idol.

God, give me the strength not to be like Terah, who was given the call to go to Canaan even before Abraham, but instead settled in Haran. Show me how to venture past my Haran and into Canaan (Gen 11:31). Would you entirely sweep away the comfort of the land of Haran, and direct my path upon Canaan. Whether my Haran be the people and friends and relationships I'm comfortable in, or the standards and comforts I've come to embrace and become so slothful in spiritually.

Also, Father God, the pride of my heart is astounding. It's preventing me from taking the necessary steps I KNOW you've placed before me. God... even if it costs me EVERYTHING, give me yourself. So break me, break my relationships, break my reputation, break anything that is needed God, for me to have more of You. But give me more of You.