A Collision of Grace and Depravity

A few years ago, David Crowder Band came out with an album titled "a Collision (3+4=7)" or something like that. And as I was reading the jacket of the album, i found the reason they came up with the word "collision" for their title is exactly what i'm having trouble grasping my head around: when we accept the living Christ for who he is, as savior, king and lord, the nature of our wickedness and the grace of his righteousness crash into each other. It's this very collision, almost like two atoms colliding into each other to "fuse" and give off this epic energy, that blows my mind. Conceptually, i can understand it.

But the spiritual walk is not about concepts and ideas. Currently, I'm in a situaiton where I can't discern the difference between living in grace and freedom, and living a life taking advantage of "cheap grace." When does one's behavior go from repentance and tip over into guilt? Especially when sometimes, the flesh succumbs to the same sins over and over and over? If repentance leads to a turning away from sin, then does that mean we're not genuinely repentant because we keep sinning the same sins? Then are we just in guilty apology? What is correct repentance in light of ongoing sin?

Sometimes, it's these ongoing sins that allow me to realize how thoroughly depraved man is. As long as we have the flesh on our backs, we are forever depraved, even after salvation. What does a life that is not weighed down by sin look like then? What is a life that has claimed victory over sin amount to?

I'm a bit lost, God. I've never doubted my salvation. But I wonder at times if my growth is stumped because I don't know how to live properly in grace. As I recommit myself, would you show me? Show me that even in the depravity of my flesh, you make it possible for me to live victoriously. Would you make clear to me, Lord, that my sin is not the basis for your blessings (ie, the more i sin, the less i'm blessed), but that it is sin itself that destroys my relationship with you. Teach me to cherish everything that is of you so that i may lose my taste for sin.