"Just" anything

So... as i sit in my room, writing this post, i reflect back and wonder in my 22 years what i've done with the precious gift of time that God has entrusted me with. I wish i could say i brought my block to revival and everyone had a conversion on our street. I wish i could say i've mastered enough languages to label myself a polyglot. I wish i could play an instrument so skillfully i'd wow even USC's school of music. But i don't do any of those things. I can't, as of now. But that's ok. Not necessarily because i'll get to them b4 i die, bcuz i may never get to it. Not because i have more significant changes to make on the planet, because i may not. But simply because i dont' have to stand out in that way.

But what's not ok is the fact that my mind has devolved into this.. ."just wanna do _____" mentality. I just want to make enough money to support a family (which is true, and admirable). I just want to go to a reputable school, not a cut-throat, die-hard soul-sucking top 5, i just want to live a day- to-day life doing something that contributes to society, doesn't hurt anybody, and allows me to get by. This JUST mentality has to go. I hate it in myself.

i don't think we were made to be JUST anything. i want to have a mentality that reflects the vision and scope of ability God has entrusted me with, which is always more than "just" anything. I want to strive to make even one more dollar so that getting off the 5 N exit on magnolia from right by church, i don't ignore the homeless guy begging for change for a burger king meal, and that i don't stay only preoccupied with making JUST enough for my family. I want to push myself to get into the top schools in the nation because i've been witness to a bunch of intellectually-minded friends step away from faith bcuz they found it practically useless or rationally "retarded to be a believer."

If my life has to be just anything, i want it to be just God-sized. Sounds oxymoronic...its like saying contain yourself to the most grand vision for yourself as possible. God teach me to give up this Just mentality...

But just as importantly God, would you show me how to curb my passions when they haven't been refined by You. Too often I've stepped out because my visions and ambitions seemed holy, but even holy can be wrong. Holy when not refined in prayer is just ego-feeding "pat yourself on the back, you're doing God's work" ambition. So teach me to pray and listen and discern your direction in knowing what to live out in GRAND proportion.