Remembering that God is in Control

I am so weak of faith. I still see myself planning and organizing my agendas according to my timetable, when in fact God has proven to me that its not my schedule He runs by but His own. So... here's what's been happening in the past few days/weeks in my head:

The first time God showed His own agenda for Recomm: When I thought and worried and stressed about potentially having to take the role of LA Recomm Leader/ praise leader, God showed me that He works according to His plans. His Work is SOOOO much grander than our projections of it. He showed me that my place was not something so limited and obvious as just becoming the LA leader/praise, but He had plans to birth another ministry entirely on my own home campus!! That is an endeavor no one had predicted. But as a junior, so timid and weak and fearful, yet driven by a GLDI-sized faith in God, I was ready to walk alongside Him and work at SC Recomm!

As time went on, however, and leadership changed, and I come to my last semester at USC, my Recomm- ambitions and faith had shrunk. I had run myself into a rut: everything was the same. The same members, the same bible study, even the same yearly event schedule (fall: olympics, banquet, happy together, sisters... etc). Even more so, I began to think... will SC Recomm next year be juniors leading bible study to other juniors/seniors? Will half our membership graduate with no one to fill its vaccuum?

And then God showed me again... He is faithful, and His plans are greater than mine. I think God really intended to encourage me these past few weeks and restore me to a stronger faith in Him. As soon as I had written down on my teuksae prayer request... for SC Recomm growth, that very week our membership doubles out of nowhere. What amazes me most is... the members in our Recomm who brought newcomers out have probably had those relationships for months, maybe even years. But it was THAT particular week, when God really chose to speak. My interpretation is that He acted during the week of Teuksae in order to speak to me, specifically and individually, whose faith had grown so small in the God who provides, and leave NO DOUBT that my efforts are in HIS grand plan, and not the other way around.

So how does this apply to the now?
I've been fearful. Fearful that if I don't pursue what I want immediately, that I won't have it ever. My wants have been so strong. And my wants have not been bathed in prayer. I already see myself going down a road where I would run myself into further ruts by the work of my own power. But I want to take a different approach. "Holy" ambitions can be corrupt. And I am not a finished product... I see much more refining to be done.
So for now, I take it in faith that God will bring me back to my desires when He sees me ready for them. And I travel the road laid before me... without another hesitation.
(wow... that last bit... talk about abstract)

God, You have shown me how faithful You are.
You have shown me that my efforts, my dreams, and my ambitions are all a fraction of the greater story You are writing. I want to remember always that You are the God who provides. That You know better than I. Always. So increase my faith God, to place my trust in you and find joy in knowing I do not travel into hardship alone. =D